Family Darkness
by Rosel
Summary: Set in Debs perspective at the end of the season 4 finale. Big spoiler alert of the finale. Deb tries not to think about the dark thoughts and her suspicions about Dexter but the dark thoughts won't go away.


Family Darkness

**I Don't Own Dexter**

**Spoiler: A big spoiler from the s4 finale. **

Deb didn't know how much she could take in such a short amount of time. First that Christine asked for her forgivness about shooting her and the love of her life, then she gets a nice break form the Trinity case by being forced to go off and goes down a lovely walk down memory lane. That's all she wanted to do was revisit the place she was kidnapped and to find out was the home of Dexter's biological mother and his brother was the ice truck killer. There was nothing like going down memory lane and remembering she was engaged to the ice truck killer. Great times.

Deb wanted to just forget about everything. But something wouldn't let her forget everything, something was nawing at her. After finding out that Dex and Brian was found in blood with their murdered mother she didn't know what to do. She shook to her core and when she saw Dex just in the garage never seeing him come in she was filled with suspicion. Was it possible at all that her own adopted brother was like his biological serial killer brother? But when she told him all about everything and he blamed himself for what happened and he told her maybe her life would be better with out her she couldn't fathom it. How worse would her life be with out Dex. He wasn't just a brother to her he was her whole family. After their mom died Harry barely paid attention to her. Something she sadly had in common with Christine. Dex had been there for her so many times when no one else was. She was the person who she was because of Dex. Dex seemed to feel better after she told him that and there seemed to be something peaceful that went on in him. Dex wasn't the easiest person to read but that right there should give her some type of closure and try to forget about everything or at least not to continue to think about the tragedy that was her life and Dex's life. And she shouldn't be dwelling on the weird completely creepy feeling of actually having something in common with Christine- the murderer of Lundy.

It just ached at her and pulled at her. She did not want to feel any kind of common ground with that murdering bitch. There was something that ached at her there was this weird feeling when discovering that she was trinity's daughter and that she shot her and Lundy. She did not want to think about it and wonder if she would ever go to such lengths for her family. She did not want to think about it. But those thoughts invaded her mind forcefully. She tried so hard for Harry's approval but she got nothing. If her father was some kind of serial killer would she protect him? No that's not even possible there's no sense in having those dark thoughts. Obviously Christine and her father were unhinged. They were psychopaths and sociopaths there was just no comparing those people with her self or her family.

She would not do that to her self. The image of Dex just appearing in the garage wouldn't leave her though. She saw the look in his eyes like he was covering something up. For that moment she couldn't help but be suspicious of him. But why? There was no reason for it. She knew Dex, she grew up with him. She couldn't suddenly look at him differently because he shared DNA with that psychopath serial killer. She could not do this.

It would have been fine, she would have forgotten about it all. But she had bumped into the Trinity killer's wife. She looked at her and took her aside just as she was about to leave. She then whispered,

"You're the officer on this case right?"

"The case is now going on to the FBI."

"Of course. I just… I saw you talking to Kyle."

"Kyle?" Deborah asked not knowing what this woman was talking about.

"Yeah, the man I saw you talking to as the police took us. He was wearing a badge. So was he an under cover cop?"

Deb looked at this woman questionably confused and on guard. She was talking about Dex. Why would she think he was an under cover cop?

"No the man I was talking to is my brother he's no under cover cop."

"Are you sure?"

"He's a blood spatter analysist. What makes you think he was?"

"He befriended my husband and us. He even spent Thanksgiving with us. He knew something bad was going on with my husband and he said he'd save us."

"He'd save you. He said that?"

"Yeah, he told us we'd be free soon. And I guess we are for the most part."

"But if you see him, just tell him thank you, he gave us a shimmer of hope in really dark times. We lived our life in fear and some how Kyle was trying to help us."

"OK I'll let him know." Deb said not knowing what to do with that.

"Thank you so much." She said her face still looking damp from tears.

Deb didn't want to think about this. She didn't want to know why Dex pretended he was some one else. Was he investigating Trinity on his own? If so why didn't he tell her? What else wasn't he telling her? This woman seemed grateful to him so what did it matter. She should leave it alone. What was so bad if he just helped this family in secret?

Deb tried calling him but there was no answer. So she took her car it was likely he wasn't even home he was supposed to meet Rita later. She could use the drive just to clear the dark thoughts.

When Deb arrived she saw Dex's car. She took a deep breath to get herself ready for the confrontation. She just needed to clear this up. She just needed to know there was nothing to worry about. She needed to know that Dex wasn't anything like his brother that there was no need for suspicion. She needed to know Dex was just being a good citizen in giving this lady hope some how. She needed to know this and she didn't want to know all at the same time.

She knocked on the door no one answered but the car was there. She had a bad feeling so she checked to see if it was unlocked and it was. Dex worked with police uncovering murders everyday he wouldn't be so careless to leave the door unlocked in the middle of the night. She got out her gun and came in cautiously.

She yelled, "Dex are you here?"

She heard crying. She heard it coming from the bath room and there Dex sat on the bottom of the floor surrounded by blood carrying his crying baby covered with blood.

"Oh my…" For once she was speechless the usual profanity wouldn't suffice.

She turned to see the bath tub filled with blood with Rita's dead body.

"No…." She put down her gun and knelt down next to her brother. He needed her.

Dex just looked in to the abyss.

"Dex, were you, were you here when he…?"

Dex just held on to his baby and murmured, "I was too late. I…I wasn't thinking straight. I was clouded."

"Dex this, this isn't…"

"My fault? Don't say it's not she was better off not knowing me. I thought I could protect her but I couldn't."

"Dex, there isn't anything you could have done. Don't go with this again you loved her. She was good for you and you were good for her. It's not your fault. It was Trinity's all we can do is get this bastard and make him stop."

Dex held onto his baby tighter and shrugged something came over him and then he said, "He's already dead."

"What?"

"I killed him."

"Dex? So you were here it was self defense."

"There was no self defense about it. I looked for him. I sought him out and I planned to kill him."

Deb was completely choked up she shook her head and said, "Dex your just in shock."

This couldn't be happening Dex could not be a killer. And all of the pieces couldn't be coming together in her head.

"You know enough, Deb. I'm through it's over. This whole guise I wear. The blood spatter analysist, husband, father, brother. I can't pull it off. I believed it. I started to believe that it wasn't just a cover. I was actually starting to believe that I really was all of those things. I actually thought I could be a man but I'm nothing but a monster and Rita paid her life for it."

Deb stood there speechless amongst all of the blood. The image of a young Dexter being found in blood seeing his mother covered in blood. She teared up it was happening all over again. Dex had admitted he was a killer he planned on killing Trinity he called himself a monster. She had taken a lot of messed up information in her life. She had scene tragedy stacked on tragedy she had a hard core she had been through it all and still she wasn't prepared for this. She wanted to sink into denial just a little longer. She didn't want to pretend it all didn't make sense. She wanted to pretend that Trinity's wife saying Dex would save her family from Trinity wasn't clicking with what he was saying. But she pieced it together and came up with the least disturbing conclusion, which still disturbed her but wasn't as disturbing as other options.

"You thought Trinity tried to kill me so you snapped and went after him. That doesn't make you a monster Dex. You think I didn't want to kill him or Christine after what they did…"

"But you would never do that…you would let justice take place." He held the baby and put him on his shoulder as he stood up and he still cradled the baby.

Then he said, "Deb, you're a police officer and maybe it's time for me to give up. I'm a serial killer. I killed a lot of people. I had some kind of code instilled in me by Harry."

"Harry?" she choked her father's name through the hot crackled breath.

"He saw that I had signs of a serial killer when I was a kid so he taught me. He told me I needed to channel those urges through pointing my urges at bad guys."

"What are you telling me that you're some kind of vigilante serial killer?" Deb asked still not believing she was even saying these words out loud.

"I tried to set myself a part from those others. I tired to convince myself that I'm not like them. I could choose not to be a monster. But I finally realized it's not my choice. My choices don't matter. It's in me. I should have never gotten married. I put Rita's life in danger. I was going to give it all up after Arthur. But I killed him too late, while I was trying to keep my cover I gave him a window and he killed her."

"Now what are you going to do?"

"I'm facing what I am. I am smart I kept myself out of…me and Harrison are going to go away we'll run… We're going to leave forever. I can't escape from what I am and either can he." Dex said.

"I understand if you have to turn me in I get it. But I can't be caught not yet I can't let Rita's kids go through that."

"They're your kids too Dex."

"I'm leaving now you can send who ever after me, but I'm going now."

"Dex, you actually think I'd turn in you in."

"You won't?"

Deb breathed in and put her hand over her face.

"You lived you're whole life in secret. Living this twisted double life. It makes me sick, but what ever cool exterior you hade that made you lie so well, it's shriveling. It's shriveling because you love Rita and you are not a monster."

"Deb."

"No Dex, I'm not taking it back!" Deb said.

"What?"

"What I said earlier today, my life is better with you in it. I'm not taking it back."

"I believed you but Rita's life would have been better off if I just stuck with what Harry taught me and kept my distance and not have any attachments I could have prevented this. I can't change what I am."

Deb gave a strained weird laugh at that and said, "Wow, Harry messed you up bad. I can't believe I actually wanted that kind of attention. Dex, I'm not going to turn you in. And your not going to leave."

"I have to protect them."

"If you leave you'll be a suspect." Deb said not believing what she saying and doing but she stood strong and sad it all the same. It was more of a reflex then anything.

"Deb?"

"You have to play it like it is."

"What is?"

"Like you're a grieving husband who can't go back to work for a while. You stay with Harrison. You don't want to give them any reason to suspect you."

"But Deb what about you? Can you really go to work everyday going after serial killers, knowing I am one."

Deb swallowed hard feeling the hotness of her cheeks. She felt this insane life being hurrdled in front of her. Then she said, "Yeah, besides if Metro one is brought back on the Trinity case they'll make sure I'm far away from it."

"What about the other cases."

"You're planning another murder all ready Dex?"

"Not at the moment but it's what I am there's no running from it anymore. I was going to stop, but I can't. I saw today I have no choice."

"You always have a choice. But I'll deal with that when the time comes. Right now just worry about you and your baby and your kids."

"They can't stay with me. They'll be better off with their grandparents."

"And little Harry?"

"He has my same bad blood. Even if he's with them it won't change who he'll grow up to be."

"Dex that is so messed up." Look I'm going to call the police. Get you and Harry cleaned up. It's better if no one knows about Harry being left here."

Then she left Dex with Harry as she got her phone called the police. Metro one will be there soon. She acted all scared and panicked like she just found Rita there and her and Dex both just came there and found Rita there togethr.

She felt cold and icky on how easy it was to lie. How easy it was to put her job on the line for her brother and her family. She thought back to Christine. She did not want to be like her. But here she was making up for a serial killer who was her whole family. Everything was a reflex, it was natural to take charge and protect her brother. He was her only family she ever had he was always there for her. She felt sick like she was going to hurl, she didn't think things could get worse with all of the crap she's been through but life had a way to get a whole lot suckier after you think things can't get any worse. She felt the coldness and the hardness and the rage at Trinity for doing this to Rita, Dexter's only light. Dex was a mess now. He can't do this alone. That right there showed just how much a monster he wasn't. Severally and utterly messed up yes he was. But a monster: no. She took strength from that and held onto that and realized that is what separated her from Christine. Dex wanted to give up he thought he had no choice she would just have to show him that he did.


End file.
